Are you frequently pestered by thirsty dudes demanding pictures in your DMs or group chats? You’re not alone – this is an all-too-common experience for many women online.
But instead of just ignoring or blocking, you can respond with humor and give them a taste of their own cringe-worthy medicine.
In this post, we’ll look at 20 funny responses to a guy asking for pictures that are sure to get an eye roll, uncomfortable laugh, or wounded ego as the reply.
From sarcastic jabs about their desperation to backhanded insults disguised as jokes, these witty comebacks will let you take back control of the conversation.
Some examples include comparing your pics to mythical beasts like Bigfoot or the Yeti, joking that your face is patented intellectual property, or boldly declaring your utter hotness is simply too much for them to handle.
The key is to not take the request seriously and subvert their expectations with a completely off-the-wall sense of humor.
So, if you’re tired of the same old bland rejections or curt dismissals, read on to load up your arsenal with clever, laugh-out-loud responses perfect for putting pic-demanding dudes in their place. Your group chats will never be the same!
20 Funny Responses to Guy Asking for Pictures
Here are 20 funny responses to a guy asking for pictures:
- I don’t send pics, but I can describe myself in agonizing detail if you’d like.
- Sorry, my camera broke after it saw your last selfie.
- I would, but I don’t want to crash your phone with my stunning good looks.
- My pics are like a Yeti – you’ll have better luck finding one of those.
- You’ll get pics the same day pigs take up aerial ballet.
- I’m saving my pics for the police sketch artist.
- My face is currently covered under 37 patents, so no can do.
- What’s your favorite fruit? I’ll describe myself using that.
- sends a picture of a rock Here you go!
- You couldn’t handle these pics. They’re too hot for you.
- I would, but then I’d have to kill you afterward. Company policy.
- My pics are like Bigfoot – blurry, far away, and likely just a hoax.
- I don’t have any pics, I’m actually a very advanced AI chatbot.
- My pics are like puppies – adorable but worth the wait.
- You can have one pic for $1 million. Payable in unmarked bills.
- sends Google image search of a potato How’s that work for you?
- Pics машины, but autocorrect is the worst, am I right?
- I would, but my manager said I can’t until our 10th date.
- You seem nice, but my lawyer advised against giving out pics to strangers.
- I’m actually developing an app where I sell them for $9.99 each, interested?
1. I don’t send pics, but I can describe myself in agonizing detail if you’d like.
This response uses humor to deflect the request for pictures by offering an overly detailed verbal description instead.
It’s a witty way to set boundaries without being confrontational. This kind of reply can be particularly useful in online conversations where one may not feel comfortable sharing personal images.
The humor lies in the exaggeration (“agonizing detail”), which makes it clear the speaker is joking.
Usage example:
When Mike asked Jenna for a picture, she replied with a chuckle, “I don’t send pics, but I can describe myself in agonizing detail if you’d like.” Mike couldn’t help but laugh at her clever way of turning down the request.
2. Sorry, my camera broke after it saw your last selfie.
This playful jab insinuates that the requester’s selfie was so startling that it broke the camera, humorously avoiding the request for pictures.
It’s a cheeky way to say no while also engaging in a bit of lighthearted banter. The humor comes from the absurdity of a selfie causing physical damage to a camera.
Usage example:
When Tom insisted on a picture, Sarah quipped, “Sorry, my camera broke after it saw your last selfie,” causing both of them to burst into laughter.
3. I would, but I don’t want to crash your phone with my stunning good looks.
This response is a humorous way to boost one’s own ego while playfully refusing to send pictures.
It suggests that the speaker’s looks are so overwhelming that they might literally crash the recipient’s phone, which is a humorous exaggeration.
Usage example:
In response to Alex’s request for a photo, Emma replied with a smirk, “I would, but I don’t want to crash your phone with my stunning good looks.” Alex found her confidence both amusing and charming.
4. My pics are like a Yeti – you’ll have better luck finding one of those.
This reply humorously compares the rarity of the speaker’s pictures to the mythical Yeti, implying that both are nearly impossible to find.
It’s a creative way to say that the speaker doesn’t share pictures often, if at all. The humor lies in comparing oneself to a creature that is famous for being elusive.
Usage example:
When John hinted at wanting a picture, Lila teased, “My pics are like a Yeti – you’ll have better luck finding one of those,” effectively dodging the request with her wit.
5. You’ll get pics the same day pigs take up aerial ballet.
This humorous response uses the impossible image of pigs performing ballet in the air to indicate that the speaker will never send pictures.
It’s a funny and clear way to set a boundary, using the absurdity of the scenario to emphasize the unlikelihood of the event.
Usage example:
Faced with yet another plea for photos, Dan responded, “You’ll get pics the same day pigs take up aerial ballet,” leaving no doubt about his stance on the matter with a touch of humor.
6. I’m saving my pics for the police sketch artist.
This response humorously suggests that the only picture the speaker plans to share will be one created by a police sketch artist, implying a scenario of being involved in some humorous mischief.
It’s a playful way to refuse sending personal pictures by suggesting their next photo might be on a wanted poster.
Usage example:
When Zack playfully demanded a photo, Nora retorted, “I’m saving my pics for the police sketch artist,” making Zack laugh at the idea of Nora as a charmingly elusive character in a comedic caper.
7. My face is currently covered under 37 patents, so no can do.
This witty comeback uses the concept of intellectual property patents in a humorous way to decline a request for pictures.
It implies the speaker’s face is so unique and valuable that it’s legally protected, which is a clever and humorous exaggeration.
Usage example:
Leo kept asking for a selfie, but Maya, always quick with a joke, replied, “My face is currently covered under 37 patents, so no can do,” amusing both with her creative excuse.
8. What’s your favorite fruit? I’ll describe myself using that.
This response playfully offers to describe oneself in terms of the requester’s favorite fruit, dodging the request for pictures humorously and imaginatively.
It’s an engaging way to shift the conversation from a straightforward picture exchange to a more whimsical and descriptive interaction.
Usage example:
Persistent in his request for a picture, Ryan was met with Sophie’s inventive deflection, “What’s your favorite fruit? I’ll describe myself using that,” turning the conversation into a lighthearted guessing game.
9. Sends a picture of a rock Here you go!
This reply humorously takes the request for a picture literally but sends an unexpected image, such as a rock, instead of a personal photo.
It’s a playful way to fulfill the request without actually sharing a personal image, using the surprise element for humor.
Usage example:
In response to Ethan’s request for a picture, Claire sent him an image of a pebble with the message, “Here you go!” leaving Ethan amused by her literal yet playful interpretation of his request.
10. You couldn’t handle these pics. They’re too hot for you.
This teasing response implies that the speaker’s pictures are so attractive they might be overwhelming for the recipient, humorously boosting their own ego while playfully declining to send photos.
It’s a flirty and funny way to say no, suggesting the photos are too “hot” to handle.
Usage example:
When Ben cheekily asked for a photo, Jenna’s reply was confident and coy, “You couldn’t handle these pics. They’re too hot for you,” playfully elevating the banter between them.
11. I would, but then I’d have to kill you afterward. Company policy.
This response adds a layer of mystery and humor by implying that sharing a picture is akin to sharing a top secret, which would then require drastic measures to maintain secrecy.
It’s a playful exaggeration, using the trope of spy movies where sensitive information is guarded at all costs.
Usage example:
Curious to see Clara’s new haircut, Mark asked for a picture, to which Clara responded with a smirk, “I would, but then I’d have to kill you afterward. Company policy,” making Mark chuckle at the dramatic refusal.
12. My pics are like Bigfoot – blurry, far away, and likely just a hoax.
This humorous reply likens the speaker’s photos to those of Bigfoot, known for being indistinct and questionable.
It’s a witty way to decline sending pictures by suggesting that any photo they might send would be as unsatisfactory and elusive as a Bigfoot sighting.
Usage example:
When Alex expressed a wish to see Sam’s new look, Sam quipped, “My pics are like Bigfoot – blurry, far away, and likely just a hoax,” amusing Alex with the comparison.
13. I don’t have any pics, I’m actually a very advanced AI chatbot.
This response humorously dodges the request for pictures by pretending the speaker is not human but an AI, therefore incapable of having personal photos.
It’s a playful nod to the increasing presence of AI in daily life, using this concept for comedic effect.
Usage example:
Frustrated by Olivia’s refusal to send a selfie, Dylan was met with the inventive retort, “I don’t have any pics, I’m actually a very advanced AI chatbot,” which lightened the mood with its imaginative humor.
14. My pics are like puppies – adorable but worth the wait.
This reply playfully suggests that the speaker’s pictures are as delightful as puppies but implies that they should be anticipated rather than immediately shared.
It’s a charming way to compliment oneself while also saying that any pictures will be shared on the speaker’s terms.
Usage example:
Eager to see Emma in her new outfit, Josh asked for a photo, only to be told, “My pics are like puppies – adorable but worth the wait,” teasingly prolonging his anticipation.
15. You can have one pic for $1 million. Payable in unmarked bills.
This humorous response sets an absurdly high price for a picture, suggesting it’s valuable enough to warrant a ransom-like payment.
It’s a playful way to decline by making the request seem like an expensive transaction.
Usage example:
When Kyle half-jokingly asked for a picture of Zoe’s vacation, she responded with a laugh, “You can have one pic for $1 million. Payable in unmarked bills,” turning the request into a playful jest about the picture’s worth.
16. Sends Google image search of a potato How’s that work for you?
This response humorously complies with the request for a picture by sending an unrelated and humorous image, such as a potato, from a Google search.
It’s a playful way to sidestep the request while engaging in a light-hearted exchange, using the randomness of the image for comedic effect.
Usage example:
After persistent requests for a selfie from Mike, Jenna finally responded by sending him a Google image of a potato with the message, “How’s that work for you?” making Mike burst into laughter at her unexpected and witty reply.
17. Pics машины, but autocorrect is the worst, am I right?
This response creatively uses a nonsensical phrase or a word in another language (e.g., “машины” meaning “cars” in Russian) that seems like an autocorrect mistake, to humorously dodge the request for pictures.
It plays on the common frustration with autocorrect errors, suggesting that an attempt was made to type “pictures” but it was humorously “corrected.”
Usage example:
When Liam asked for a photo update, Sarah jokingly typed, “Pics машины, but autocorrect is the worst, am I right?” leaving Liam amused and slightly confused by the humorous autocorrect “error.”
18. I would, but my manager said I can’t until our 10th date.
This playful response introduces a fictional “manager” who has apparently set rules about picture sharing, humorously treating personal interactions as though they are professionally managed.
It’s a witty way to set a playful boundary on the request, implying a level of exclusivity and teasing the idea of more “dates” or interactions being needed.
Usage example:
Desperate for a sneak peek of Hannah’s new hairstyle, Jacob was met with the playful retort, “I would, but my manager said I can’t until our 10th date,” adding a layer of flirtatious challenge to their conversation.
19. You seem nice, but my lawyer advised against giving out pics to strangers.
This response humorously escalates the situation by involving a “lawyer’s advice,” making it seem as though sharing a picture could have legal implications.
It’s a funny and exaggerated way to decline the request while also playfully suggesting the recipient is still a “stranger.”
Usage example:
In response to a lighthearted plea for a picture from her new online friend, Ella joked, “You seem nice, but my lawyer advised against giving out pics to strangers,” making light of the caution often advised in online interactions.
20. I’m actually developing an app where I sell them for $9.99 each, interested?
This witty comeback suggests the speaker’s pictures are so special that they are being monetized through an app, humorously treating personal photos as exclusive content for sale.
It’s a clever way to say no while also poking fun at the trend of monetizing every aspect of online presence.
Usage example:
When Tom cheekily requested a picture from Ava, she quipped back, “I’m actually developing an app where I sell them for $9.99 each, interested?” turning the table with her entrepreneurial humor.